


Dont You Ever Leave Me Alone

by binchelada



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x01 coda, Big angst, M/M, S13e01 Lost and found coda, an internal monologue, castiel is dead and dean is not dealing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 07:45:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12476744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binchelada/pseuds/binchelada
Summary: Here stands a manWith a bullet in his clenched right handDon't push him sonCastiel is dead and Dean, feeling as broken and helpess as ever, is internalizing everything.





	Dont You Ever Leave Me Alone

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry. everything hurts.
> 
> The title and the lyrics from the summary come from "The War" by SYML

Cas' body burns without much fanfare. 

They stand there silent now. Sam looks off at the lake, a distant look in his eyes. He looks tired, spent. It's been too long since Deans seen anything come across his brother’s face other than that. This time is different. His eyes, as they gleam with the flames coming from the corpse of their dead friend, convey a sense of heartbreak and true loss as well.

Jack also looks on relatively sadly - or as sad as Dean guesses he can muster up being the fucking anti-christ and all. What did he know of Cas? He may have had some messed up mind connection with him for a few months but Dean knew him for years. 

Years.

Dean aches. His body hurts. His mind hurts. His very soul hurts yet he feels empty and numb at the same time. This feeling or lack thereof hasn't subsided since the second the life left Cas' body. Perhaps it's worse now with the finality of it all. 

Burn the vessel as Cas is never coming back.

This time Dean's hand hurts. It hurts like an absolute bitch. Punching signs never did anyone any good and to top it off the roaring ache isn't enough to distract his mind.

What does Cas feel? Peace? Emptiness? Nothing at all? Dean can't quite wrap his mind around the concept of ceasing to exist. Is Cas in the Empty? Perhaps he still exists in a suspended state of nothing - no tangible form and darkness but still consciousness. Dean would gladly take that. He simply can not bare to look at anything now. The world he sees just screams Castiel. 

The blue water, like his eyes. The night sky, like his hair. Light itself, like the glimpses of a smile he would get out of him. The pink of a flower, like his lips. A smooth surface, like his hands.

Hands he will never touch again. A firm hug he will never feel again. Eyes he will never have the pleasure of looking into and getting lost in, even just one more time. Castiel was a simple being, yet absolutely stunning in his own exquisite way. His earthly form had the capability of holding constellations and showcasing all the most beautiful things in this world. 

Cas was his world. Castiel still is Dean's world.

But now he's gone and what's the point?


End file.
